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Talking to Your Children About Cancer
Topics in This Section
Video
"Talking About Your Cancer:
A Parent's Guide to Helping Children Cope"
Produced by Joan Hermann, LSW, of Philadelphia's Fox Chase Cancer Center
Introduced by C. Everett Koop, former U.S. Surgeon General. 18 min.
© Fox Chase Cancer Center
Receiving a diagnosis of cancer can affect the whole family. When it comes to communication with each other, families have different styles. The goal, however, should be the same: to instill hope and trust when talking to your kids about cancer.
Helpful Tips
Find out about our Kids' Night Out Support Program, a free program helping children of cancer patients.
Social workers at Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia suggest the following tips for talking to your children about cancer.
- Tell your child soon after diagnosis.
- Children are observant. They notice change in routine as well as anxiety, anger, tears, whispering.
- Without information, children will make-up a reason for what they see.
- A child could think the problem is worse than it is and feel helpless or frightened.
- Keep the explanation simple and age appropriate.
- For young children - cancer is a lump or swelling that shouldn't be there.
- For older children, it's okay to give more detail. Cancer is when cells in the body aren't behaving normally.
- Flu and colds are contagious; cancer is NOT.
- If anything changes in my condition, I'll let you know.
- Be truthful!
- Give the name of your cancer. For example, "breast cancer."
- Help the child understand what to expect (hospital for a few days, then several visits to the doctor's office to get medicine.)
- Let them know that it's not their fault; it's not anyone's fault.
- "Are you going to die?"—Don't be afraid to address this question.
- Talk about your feelings.
- Medicine may make me feel sick or cranky.
- I may be sad.
- Reassure: Doctors say we're taking all the steps we should so that I can get better.
- Tell your children it's okay to laugh and be happy.
- I'm here to answer your questions…so is Daddy, Aunt Sue (give choices).
- Children want to know how your cancer affects their routine.
- Explain who will pick them up for school, make dinner, take them to practice, etc.
- Talk to your children's teachers (This can explain different behaviors; acting out.).
- Children have a job: do well in school, pay attention, play, help around the house.
- Recognize the positive outcomes of this experience for the child.
- When asked to help with caring for a loved one, a child feels needed.
- This type of experience can bring families closer together.
- It can help a child learn how to cope in the future.